Mother's Day

I hate Mother's Day. I think it's because I'm such a selfish person. Every year I get upset because my kids and husband aren't sensitive enough to MY needs, they don't pamper ME enough, they fail to get ME the gift I asked for. In addition, I allow it to be a reminder of all the things I fall short of as a mother. I don't know why I fall into the "guilt" trap, but I do.

This year was going to be different. James was going to be out of town on Mother's Day. I was going to pretend that it didn't exist for me. Instead, I was going to focus on celebrating the fact that I have an AMAZING mother. I made plans with my dad to bring my mom to my home for a special Mother's Day dinner, and arranged for my siblings that live nearby to come for dessert.

However, Saturday came and I found myself getting increasingly more irritated with my family. Regardless of my plans to pretend that Mother's Day didn't exist for me, I just couldn't seem to help feeling that no one cared as much as I wanted them to. I fell into my selfish trap and told myself all day long that Mother's Day was the WORST day of the year.

I stopped by my mom's house and vented a bit. She told me that she had always worn black on Mother's Day because she was in mourning. I have a funny mom.

I vented to a friend and we made plans to take a vacation next year over Mother's Day weekend. We decided that for Mother's Day the best gift would be to get away from our families.

I watched the Mother's Day episode of "The Middle" and thought, "SEE!!! Mother's Day IS a horrible, horrible holiday. No one appreciates us for everything we really do."

I went to bed on Saturday night frustrated and angry. Tired because I had done the cleaning and shopping and cooking in preparation for "my" Mother's Day.

Sunday morning came, and I felt better. I had gotten all my frustration and anger out in the open the day before, and I was ready to deal with whatever Mother's Day turned out to be (or not be). I went to church and started listening to the lists of "what every good mother should do..." Surprisingly as the list went on and on, I found myself thinking, "Hey! I'm doing a lot of these things. I'm certainly not doing them all, nor am I doing them perfectly. But I'm doing my best and I'm not going to feel guilty about it." (Now that's a much different reaction than I felt a few years ago!) After church I went home and took a short nap before getting dinner ready. We enjoyed a nice meal with my parents. It was also fun to have the additional family members come over for dessert.

While my sister was visiting, she mentioned that someone at church had told her that mother's day was her favorite holiday. My sister said, "Are you serious? Why?" This mother answered, "Because I LOVE being a mom and I love that I can reflect on how blessed I am to have kids." That was my first wake-up call. I need to make my mother's day more about how much I love being a mom and less about how I want a break from being a mom.

Later in the evening I received a text from a friend that said, "I hope you enjoyed your mother's day. Hopefully you had a nice dinner with your mom. I've been missing my mom today." Her mom passed away a few years ago. That was my second wake-up call. As I mentioned, I have an AMAZING mom. She is someone I truly look up to. She is an example of someone that really tries to live a good life. She is selfless, spiritual, hard working, Christ-like and really cares about her family. I can't imagine not having her in my life. However, in spite of my decision to make mother's day about my mom, I had failed to give up my selfish expectations. I needed to make mother's day more about rejoicing in the fact that I have a wonderful mother in my life that I honor and respect.

And in actuality, it WAS a nice mother's day. I can't wait until next year.